How I uncovered my desire to record an album
To tell you a little about myself, my name is Sabreena and I’m a musician and a Memphis transplant. Music has always been a huge part of my life, so much so that I started writing my own songs a couple years ago.
Even though I feel very impassioned to create and share my perspective, I struggle with a lot of imposter syndrome and tend to be overly critical about my work.
I felt compelled to take on the Like Really Creative 7-Day Creative Energy Recharge challenge and wanted to share my reflections.
Day 1: Condition
For Day 1, the Code of Condition, I decided to go for a walk at a park I hadn’t been to before. This one ended up being my favorite I’ve found so far because of the serene pond and variety of friendly wildlife.
While walking, I saw two ducks that reminded me of a pair that I used to see frequently at a nature preserve back home, a male and female mallard. They had become a symbol of endearment to me because of the difficult time I was going through. Seeing them over and over again made me feel a little less alone. The pair from today reminded me how much has changed in the past couple years: I packed up my whole life, moved 10 hours away from home, and became fully independent for the first time ever. There was no plan or foreseeable sense of security, just pure instinct. It’s easily the craziest thing I’ve done in my life thus far.
I’ve been in a weird place with my creativity as of late where I feel like I should be doing more than I am. My walk today and seeing these ducks made me realize I had the exact same feelings back then too. It’s clear now not as much has changed as I thought. I want to try and focus on being where I’m at instead of where I think I should be, especially when it comes to my creative practice. Overall, I’m ready to see what other a-ha moments I have throughout the week.
Day 2: Clarity
My Day 2 happened to coincide with Like Really Creative’s June’s MUSE Creative Gathering: REMEDY event where we experienced a group meditation as well as some creative exercises. During the meditation, it was exceedingly difficult to quiet my mind.
I used to have a more dedicated meditation practice, but over the last year it has felt more and more difficult to maintain. I realize that meditation is not inherently about clearing your mind. It’s more about focusing on your thoughts and letting them pass through you, much like a stream. You catch something, then release it back to the current. Still, I couldn’t help feeling unsettled for a moment.
Once the feeling passed, I was able to visualize everyone in the room breathing together. Our hearts and lungs were all in sync with each other in that fleeting moment. The primary thought that came forward was how much we all needed to be together in this way.
Now more than ever, we need spaces where people can come together to just be, and I was filled with gratitude and love at the thought. During the art exercise, I was surprised by how freely I was creating.
I couldn’t remember the last time I just painted without any concern of what the result would be or what I was trying to convey. It was a much needed moment of Clarity, and I hope to carry that energy with me when it comes to my songwriting.
Day 3: Craft
For the Craft Code, I set a timer for 15 minutes and started to reflect on the Codes I’ve been writing about this week. A single phrase rang clear in my mind, “A week is plenty of time to change your life.”
After that, I placed a capo on my guitar and started playing a couple chords back and forth. I took out my phone, recorded the short progression, and began humming along the words. I forced myself to stop once the timer went off and just let the tune be what it was able to become in that short amount of time.
Listening back, I was surprised yet again at how easily I can make something from nothing without giving it much thought. Sure it’s not exactly radio ready, but it’s a start!
I’ve been so in my head about whether or not I’m making enough progress toward my dreams; I ask myself why I don’t have the energy to create everyday but it can be this simple if I allow it to be.
It fills me with a certain sense of optimism and somberness. When did it become so easy to be hard on myself for simply trying?
Day 4: Community
On Day 4, I decided to tell a close friend about one of the film concepts I’ve been dreaming of for some time now. Although music is my primary passion, I have always wanted to write, direct, and score movies. This dream feels way farther out of my reach than music, and I was really nervous to speak with someone about my idea. Once I started talking more and sharing my vision for the film, I realized I felt less and less anxious.
After our talk, the thought that occurred to me was how often I deem my ideas “unworthy” of being shared just because they aren’t fully fleshed out. I think I was afraid of being judged for how little work I had done so far to finish the script.
Also, I realized another source of insecurity came from our current culture’s tendency to only prioritize art that is profitable. In a world where everyone is struggling to get by, it feels almost selfish to create for the sake of creating.
My hope is that I can feel more open with sharing my ideas in Community without the fear of being judged. It felt very rewarding to share with someone and see them get excited about what I had to say.
I feel like it helped ground my idea in reality.
Day 5: Integration
For Day 5, I chose to revisit the Craft Code with a few changes. Instead of setting a 15-minute timer I did 30, and I chose to work on a song I had already started instead of trying to come up with a new one. I have always been someone who struggles to finish things. I am naturally more of an idea generator than executioner, so I have to work extra hard at completing projects.
This song is an especially vulnerable one that I started writing about someone I met recently. When I initially got the idea, the whole thing poured out of me in one sitting, which is more rare for me when I write songs.
Today, I was able to more clearly organize the lyrics with a flow that complimented the message I was trying to convey. I still want to work more on the chord progression, but the story finally feels clear.
I can see a shift starting to take place with my creative practice where I have a newfound sense of determination. My goal is to have a cohesive set of songs I can release as my first solo project, and the only thing standing in my way is me. I’m choosing to let that fact empower me instead of leaving me defeated.
Day 6: Choose Your Own Adventure
Today was very busy for me and I was feeling drained when I sat down to do my challenge for the day. I decided to revisit the Clarity Code and journal for 10 minutes.
My main focus was to get clear on why I want to make music. Some of my “why’s” were easier to tap into than others.
Here’s a summary of my reasoning:
Connection - music is in everything and connects everyone. Even when we do not feel seen by others, we feel seen by our favorite song.
Love - love is the point of living and I want to share the love I have within me through music. I cannot go through life afraid of loving too fiercely.
Lessons - my songs help teach me things I did not know about myself. Therefore, they have the potential to resonate with others and lead them to a better understanding of who they are.
Joy - writing brings me joy, possibly the most important reason. Even when my songs are about difficult topics, I am happier having written them.
Day 7: Celebrate and Reflect
Truthfully, I am someone who finds it very difficult to feel accomplished, no matter how large or small my wins may be. It’s something I’ve tried overcoming through therapy and self-compassion, but I realize it could be something that will always be there.
With that being said, I am very proud of myself for sticking with this challenge.
My Wins:
Creating without a destination in mind
Sharing my unfinished ideas with people
Learning to be less critical of myself and my art
My Feelings:
Vulnerability - I feel exposed sharing these insights but in a good way
Change - I feel myself growing into a version of myself I long to be
Empowerment - I feel ready to make more music and for my voice to be heard
My Creative Desire:
Recording an Album.
No more hiding behind the mask of “it’s not good enough yet.”
The wonder of creative energy
I did not expect to feel so childlike during this challenge. I felt a long forgone sense of wonder at creating without boundaries, but I also realized I was hanging onto some old wounds.
Overall, I’m lighter than I was at the start of the week. I realized I don’t have to take myself or my art so seriously; it’s okay for it to just be something I enjoy doing.
I hope some of you will feel compelled to face yourselves through this challenge. You may be surprised by what you find!
About Sabreena Fearn
Sabreena Fearn is a singer/songwriter living in Memphis, Tennessee. You can find her on Instagram and listen to her music on SoundCloud.